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Building self-confidence is not easy. Confidence can’t be built overnight but comes through a consistent effort over a long period of time. It is important that you set goals in self-confidence in order to grow into the person you want to become. There are 3 major areas to set goals in for to build self confidence. These areas are called the 3 C’s: courage, competence, and self-compassion. By setting goals in each of these areas, you will be able to build strong self-confidence and become the person you are meant to be.
Courage
In order to increase your confidence, you must choose to get outside your comfort zone. Despite their fears, confident people choose to do things that push them. When you do things which require courage, you learn to trust yourself and realize you are a capable and deserving person. You often realize your fears are not as big as they seem.
It is also important to realize that you don’t build courage and then conquer your fear… you embrace your fear and build courage. Fear can be thought of like this: FINALLY EXITING AVERAGE REALITY. Use fear to your advantage! Use fear as a tool in your life. When you feel fear, you can assure yourself that you are expanding beyond your limits. In turn, you will grow into the person you want to become.
What is one area you’d like to push yourself in? Do you have a business idea you love but are fearful to jump in? Are you wanting to ask that cute person out but are fearful they will say no? Do you need to have a tough conversation with someone that you’ve been putting off for a while? Set one goal to push yourself into the uncomfortable and build your courage! We believe in you!
Competence
Often we feel insecure or inadequate when we do not have the needed knowledge. The simple saying goes: you don’t know, till you know. Get a book, take a course, watch videos, find a mentor, go to therapy, ask friends, etc. This works for all areas of life: business, dating, mental health, friendships, & parenting. You name it… there are things you can do to build competence in that area. The trick is to just get started and get moving- the rest will come later!
It is important to realize that perfection is not required. It never is. Life is much simpler than we make it out to be. Things are less urgent than they seem. Everything will be okay. Now, this is not an excuse to push off what you know you need to work on… but meant to be reassurance that your best is and always will be enough. Try your best & forget the rest!
What is one area of life you’d like to be better at? Are you wanting to start a new hobby such as golf or pickle-ball? Are you wanting to become a better writer or reader? Do you want to be a better cook to impress your partner?! Whatever you want to do, choose to do it! Increasing your competence in the area of your choosing will positively impact your life.
Self-Compassion
Be kind! To everyone - including YOU! People thrive in supportive and positive environments, so provide that for yourself. Talk to yourself kindly, do things you enjoy, and take care of yourself. Be grateful for how well you are actually doing. Give yourself credit for how well you are doing!
We are often so harsh to ourselves. We say mean things… we talk in absolutes… we shout derogatory remarks within our heads. Contrast that with the way you talk to others. Say a friend is struggling and they reach out to you. What do you immediately say? Do you say the mean things, talk in absolutes, or shout derogatory remarks? Of course not! You highlight the positives in their life. You help them remember their wins. You offer words of encouragement and positivity. We can say those same things to ourselves! No matter what state we are in, we should be succinctly honest with our behavior without attacking our character.
Highlight the positives that are going on in your life. Highlight the challenges you have or are overcoming. Highlight what you have learned through these trials and challenges. Set one goal for how you are going to improve your self-compassion. Maybe you need to review photos of yourself smiling and happy. Maybe you need to write down one “win” at the end of each day. Maybe you need to call a trusted family member or friend and ask them what character strengths they see in you. Give yourself compassion. You deserve it!
